So this is it, the great return where I promise to read more and post more blog posts about the books that I am reading so that you can look at it and say “Oh I might go and buy that book now that has been out for years that I haven’t heard of.” But the thing is I don’t want to make this promise purely for the simple fact I don’t like making a promise I don’t know whether I will be able to keep. This is not to say that I giving up reading and leading a life away from books, never! This is me saying that life gets in the way and, yes, this is my own fault.
It’s my own fault for buying games which I enjoy playing and want to play. I know I will enjoy the books I have bought and will (eventually) share with you but I need time for a book. I need time where my other half won’t be home and asking if I’m okay every time I breathe because, for once, I’m being quiet. I need time to play these games that I see him play when he gets home from work after not seeing him for hours because, it’s something we can do together even if it’s only talking about the game he is playing. I need time to relax and play a mindless games where I’m not analysing what is happening and thinking about how I can do something like this in my own writing.
It’s my own fault for letting myself be consumed with uni reading and not taking the time to read books that I will enjoy. Reading Tess of the d’Urbervilles is not a book I would consider to be an “easy read” that I can fully immerse myself in. I know others will say it is fantastic book that captures landscape and the time well but, it’s not what I want to be reading. I want to be reading the Karen Rose book I bought last month and couldn’t stop talking about how much I wanted to read it. But as the reading list for my dissertation becomes longer I see it slowly moving down the list.
And it’s my own fault for a lot of other reasons including but not limited to my life as whole. I make time for my games and for my uni work so why can’t I make time to read? This is a question I cannot answer for I am still writing, even if it is only five hundred words, I am still writing. Even if it is assignments and dissertation work, I am still writing. I have not fallen out of love with reading, far from it but I think it’s time to change the dynamic of our relationship.
I used to read in school during lessons when I had finished my work and during my breaks but at uni I am unable to read during lectures and that fifteen minute break is something I would now rather be eating in. I used to read on the bus into college but now I drive and wouldn’t dare to think about how that could be done! I used to read on the weekends when I had time to myself but now I work to be able to “adult.”
A lot has changed in the past few years and unfortunately reading has had to take a back burner. I can’t promise that I will read every day, I can’t promise I will blog every week but I can promise that while I may not be doing these things, I am still writing. And as long as I am still writing it won’t be long until I am reading again. It’s like an addiction, it won’t ever leave me and soon I know I will succumb to it again.